Umber

An excerpt from Frito’s diary, found after his less and less lamented death. (dj)

Yes, it is unusual for a person who engages in my profession to maintain a diary. Much of what I enter here is incriminating and revealing. Yet, I feel compelled. Not by vanity, as those who know me might suspect, rather by fear.

It is true…even I can know fear.

For the last while I have been adventuring with a small band of, well, adventurers. We are all young and still honing our skills. The mistakes we make, individually as well as collectively, are fairly inconsequential, and for the most part we get along. At least that’s how it used to be.

I think we have embroiled ourselves in something that we would have been better off leaving well alone. I’m sure we are being manipulated; yet I can’t see what for, and lack the power to prevent it. (Or perhaps I lack the will? I must be honest with myself at least!)

But before I continue, allow me to introduce my companions, with the hopes that should my death require avenging, these descriptions might aid.

Let us start with Bane, a supercilious mage. How now? Is no one surprised? I see that I will have to be more exact. His affectations are too numerous to mention; besides his prancing gait and pained expression he is most easily identified by a large fowl he carries about on his shoulder. He insists it is an owl, I suppose we will have to accept that for now. One good thing about Bane is that he is quiet, since as a rule he tends towards condescension. As he leaves me pretty much alone I bear him no particular ill will.

Then there is Magnus, a dour fellow. Big. Like that of most humans, his ungainly locomotion is a source of never-ending amusement to me. Even though he’s a fighter, he is also a craftsman, which argues for a finer sensibility than the one he usually projects – that of a bully. When the complexity of his chosen profession allows, he spends his time denigrating the entire halfling race or myself in particular. I’ll stop short of calling him a coward on that account, he has on occasion stood toe-to-toe with creatures more awesome than myself. However, it leaves one questioning his wisdom.

Next we have Thuggicus. This guy is a real winner. Actually, he scares me. Either he is exactly what he looks like, an oafish half-orc barbarian, or an evil imposter. We picked him up while trying to raid a wizard’s lair. A death experience convinced this guy to become a religious zealot. I don’t know what god he professes to channel, and I do not much care as long as it sees halflings in a favorable light.

An erstwhile companion: Haissha. Poor, overbearing Haissha. I still wake up at nights with images of her righteous visage leering at me. Her incessant suspicion was essentially unfounded. I admit that I look out for myself, but in my own way I see our group as a family, and work towards the good of all. She has found someone else’s affairs to meddle in now, but there is unfinished business between us. Unfinished.

And finally there is the itinerant, or rather ‘irritant,’ monk Garflin. A sponge shaped like a dwarf? A dwarf shaped like a sponge? Either way, he’s gone now, which means we’ll actually be able to ration the ale into more than one portion.

A fellow named Svengali turns up periodically. I don’t know why, but he always puts me in mind of a cross between a retriever and an ostrich. Must be those long spindly shanks (or perhaps the beak and the floppy ears, haha!)

A couple of days ago, we were joined by Psydney (this occurred while I was on an errand for Ren, more about that later). My initial impression is that she is abrasive, and I suspect she used her psionic powers to manage her acceptance by my companions. I can admire that. She appears to be adequately ‘rough and tumble’ which with a cutesy name like ‘Psydney’ doesn’t come as a surprise; childhood must have been hell.

The early days

Our first test came in a town called Salt Marsh. Ostensibly we were hired to clean up a haunted mansion, the reality was somewhat different. The ghosts turned out to be smugglers, fairly inept I might add, who were trans-shipping various commodity items. We cleaned them out, garnering the usual spoils; gold, gems, and some magical items and adjuncts. Probably the most fetching of the latter items was a small bird made of precious metals and animated with magic. It attached itself to me and in fact proved its worth almost immediately when it freed me of a cursed stone I had picked up.

Somehow this affair muddled us up in a conflict between two wizards: Urf and Alf. It started something like this:

Urf: “Alf is an evil wizard. He is the cause of all that is wrong here. If you kill him I will reward you with magic.”

Bane: “I think we should do this. Urf will teach me magic and I, uh…we will be more powerful!”

Urf: “Exactly right! Bane has grasped the essence of my offer and laid it bare for all to see! You will have to hurry though. Now that his little smuggling ring has been broken, Alf will be hopping mad, and after my hide.”

Bane: “You can count on us! I’ll lead the way!”

Trying to make sense out of anything wizards say or do is like trying to teach a human to move quietly. We trooped up to Alf’s hideout, and since the place was pretty secure decided to observe the comings and goings for a while. One of the comings was Thuggicus, and emboldened by his presence, we decided on a frontal attack. We opened the door.

You will understand if I say that my recollection of the subsequent events is less than perfect. Dealing with wizards and their like always leaves me wondering about what really happened and what I think happened. Question everything! One of the things we are supposed to believe is that Thuggicus was working for Urf and had also been sent to kill Alf.

We had a little talk with Alf after we tried to kill him:

Alf: “Urf is an evil wizard. He is the cause of all that is wrong here. If you kill him I will reward you with your miserable lives.”

Bane: “Can I study at your feet, oh mighty master?”

Alf: “I would rather apprentice a midget kobold. Be gone dogs, and bother me only with news of your success! – Perhaps I will have further uses for you after that.”

Bane: “You can count on us! I’ll lead the way!”

At this point I was no longer convinced that I would live to be an old halfing.